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Thursday, July 30, 2009 @ 7:45 PM BYEBYECOM . ah wells. no com for tmr. since daddy knows i used the com for the whole of today. :X LOLS. oops. but oh wells. tmr i shall see whether i can make it to maisarah's party. >< hopefully can. ): AH WELLS. i should seriously start on my hw. :X just finished sel project at least. zoomed through, AHA! :D ah wells. i should go start on hw huh... LOL but not today. AHAHAHA. off to watch tv. BYE COM! .
@ 11:38 AM AHA yesterday was such a happy day AHAHA. 1) DADDY COOKED!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D!!! HAHAHA.  he went down to buy groceries straightaway when he came back from the airport k! AHA! ^^D! ! !  SO HAPPY. HAHAHA. then he cooked lunch for me, then cooked dinner for the whole family! AHAHA. the power of God. (: ptL. :D. then then after that we watched 3 movies. like in a row. AHAHA! loved all of them HAHAHA. i can feel the difference now. hahas. like at home and in my heart. (: HAHAS then, 2) i can play eyes on me now! HAHAHA! so happy 8DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. :D:D::D! 3) I REALISED I CAN SEE THE MOON FROM MY WINDOW! LIKE LOLS OMGOSH! HAHAHHAA! i slumped back into my chair then realised that it can be seen from there omgosh HAHAHA!   4. NO MORE! but at least it rhymes. AHAHA! "FOUR, NO MORE!!!" OMGOSH HAHHAHAHA ROFL! XDXD. AHA, GOODNIGHTS. WORLDS. OMGOSH I'M OBSESSED ABOUT S. LOLS. BYE. S.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009 @ 3:28 AM is it me or did she zaoxia a bit here and there LOL :O anyways. i think this is the best? dam tired now, lazy to continue listening to others. -.- AND OMGOSH WATCH THIS. LIKE SERIOUSLY, i think her voice might be pretty good, just that OMGOODNESS LA HER PIANO AND SOUND RECORDING SYSTEM AH, WA LEOWS, NOISE POLLUTION TTM!!!!!!!!! -.- LOLS AND SHE KNOWS OKAY! AHAHA! look at the very first part where she played the chord on the piano, she could hear the awful sound la AHAHA! HAHAHA OMGOG SHE IS FUNNY!!! AHAHA! okays goodnight. :D for real. :D AHA! :D.
@ 1:31 AM  this is beautiful, seriously, aha yey!! :D hmm. not only the sky, but the whole dead of the night. there's no one in sight, no car in sight. everything and everyone's quiet, the night breeze's blowing, but i can't feel it cos it's not in my direction. i like to go to the living room. and sit by the window. i can feel the night breeze there! (: yeah. hello night. with you there's silence. and probably some time to think. if i've got stuff i need to think about. with you, i feel the most, when i'm piano-ing. with you, i can sleep, even if i can't find rest. with you, i can talk to myself. oh but i'm not mad la oydeh! aha! (: with you, i see stars! and when there comes a night, when i can sleep, right under those stars, i'll love you even more. (:  aha, it's no wonder i love you. (: goodnight night! aha ^^D!
@ 12:59 AM so there. eww. wells. off to play the piano. tata. (sauce.) AHA! BYES .
Tuesday, July 28, 2009 @ 4:55 PM AH WELLS. since i'm waiting for the pics to load. i wanna hear GCDEGE again, so i'mma go play eyes on me. AHAHA! CHAOZ .
@ 4:06 PM  
@ 2:14 PM D:D:  (oh my GOOTCHZS this is freakin funny?!) anw . okay like wtshells. -.- hai. probably cos i've been like, eating drinking sleeping and everything except toileting in my room la, no wonder. i can't even find where the source of the ants are? stoothepids. -.- they're just randomly crawling over my table. luckily there's only a few. i've moved all my med outta my room alr AHA. AND WHEOO HEOO!!!!!!!!!!!! NO HOMEWORK AGAIN TODAY, BABY! AHA! YEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEY!!! ^^D! LOL. but oops. that means i've gotta like, well. well. hmm. catch up on my other hw. :X hai. i better get smth done man. esp my chinese! like omgosh. and my maths. dunno what happened man. i haven't even been doing hw at all. >< i owe about ehm well. OMEFFFFFSHEETS OKAY I OWE 12 FREAKIN EXERCISES WTSHEETS. X.X WOW OKAY, IS THERE A WAY TO CONQUER BOREDOM? YES THERE IS. IN FACT THERE ARE MANY WAYS. BUT NOT WHEN YOU'RE STUCK IN YOUR ROOM THERE AREN'T! oh wells. no atmosphere to play the piano now. i wanna wait for night to come. but then i'll get too sleepy. -.- but then that's when i wanna play. hmm. AND OMGOSH I JUST REALISED YIRUMA'S CHORDS ARE LIKE, WOW, 158! i always thought they were some ghost chords made up on the spot to sound so beautiful. LOL. AH WELLS AAHAHAHA NOW THE MORE I WANNA STRIVE TO BE ABLE TO PLAY LIKE HIM SOMEDAY. WHEOO HEOO! GOOD MORNING WORLD . I HOPE YOU FIND PEACE .  . love this .and, i'm out . bye .
@ 1:24 AM i can't believe i like taylor swift's songs so much. AHAHA! LOLS AH WELLS. I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU'RENOTSORRY LIKE ALL OVER AGAIN OMGOSH?! after going to liyan's blog for half an hour omgosh just to listen to her youbelongwithme blogsong, i became more curious. AHAHA. okays. like okay sheet. my head. is throbbing. it feels like there's a blunt shrapnel stuck inside or smth wtsheets. bye, many nights .
Monday, July 27, 2009 @ 11:10 PM TODAY HAS BEEN SUCH A FULFILLING DAY. AWHAW! so anw. reactions when they saw the vid: ryan: "lol you phail at english - 'cuusen'? xD (then smth smth smth smth~) lol bren the best. xD" AHAHAHAHA. RYAN I THOUGHT YOURS WAS THE FUNNIEST, HANDS DOWN. AHAHA! isaac: "u got make me ugly or not!... haha jiajiaaaaa... LOL wth!!!! what second identity!!!! F5F5F5F5! LOLLLLLLLL MEIIIIII MEIIIIIIII. LMAOOOOOOOOOO RYAN!!!!!!!!!!!! XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD XDDDDDDDDDDDD XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!" LOL. HAHAHA RYAN I TOLD YOU YOURS WAS THE FUNNIEST. AHAHA! brendan: "AHAHA, .... AHAHA, ... AHAHA... (then when he saw his picture,) "CHICKEN!!!!" then continued AHAHAHAHAHA." and then in add, stoopeedyx's reaction: "ERPS. LAME. no it's spastic." LIKE WA LAO GO AWAY. AHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHA. OH WELLS. HAHAHHAA. TODAY IS SO FUNNY. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, LIFE ROCKS. GOODNIGHT WORLD. AHAHA! EY!!! LOL WAIT!!! OMGOODNESS THIS IS EFFING FUNNY I CAN'T STAND IT. i was looking through faith's fb pics that she took in this COSPLAY event she went to la, and OMGOSH, THIS CHARACTER JUST MADE ME STUCK ON IT AND MADE ME LAUGH SO SO MUCH. AHAHA! ah wells. following faith's description of the photo, "If you don't know this character, your childhood is not normal. *overgeneralises*". AHAHAHA! *DRUM ROLL, TADA!  HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!! OKAY. HAHA NOW A REAL GOODNIGHT. BYEEEEEEEEEEES!
@ 7:59 PM WATCH PEOPLE WATCH!!!! ESP THOSE INSIDE, WATCH!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!! >> click on this ":D" to view full-screen cos that thing below's too big for my blog layout. AHAHA!
@ 3:44 PM ANYHOW, GUESS HOW I WOKE UP TODAY. IT WAS SO DAM FUNNY. I LAUGHED MYSELF AWAKE!!! AHAHAHAHHAHA!!! COS COS. i was dreaming, then me and jiajia (vic) were in some race car, then we were like, chionging? AHAHA. just racing all the way la. AHAHA. then suddenly brendan and isaac joined in the race, both with their individual cars. then i went like, "JIAJIA! CHIONG AH!!!!!!" LOL then we surpassed brendan AHAHA! WE KNOCKED HIS CAR OFF THE AIR-BOURNE TRACK. OIHOIHOIHOIHOIHOI THAT WAS SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!! AHAHHA . then then then then! isaac's car. ISAAC WAS DOING SOME KINDA CARTWHEELS WITH IT, IT JUST SPUN AROUND IN CIRCLES!! AHAHAHA! and it was some toot toot small little green car! AHAHA! that was pure FUNNY!!! HAHAHAHHAA. oho then after that, OKAY THIS IS THE FUNNY PART. so jiajia and i were chionging right, then there was this idk, loading dock elevator thingy up ahead? then we needed to get into it la. then there was this pretty big gap between that elevator thingy and the road, so supposedly we were supposed to reverse, zoom, and then JUMP! but then we just went straight. AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!! OMGOSH THAT WAS SO SPASTIC. LOL. so that got me giggling. then get this. somehow we DID manage to get onto that elevator, but then, we just suddenly dropped down! LIKE OMGOSH WTSHEETS, ROFL TTM LA! AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOLOLOL!!!!!! IT'S LIKE THAT KINDA CARTOON CARTOON "DIU! BSH!" into the ground kinda scene la!! AHAHAHAHA. THEN I STARTED LAUGHING A LOT. HAHHAHA. then i woke up. ah wells. -.- oh then i went back to sleep, but then pohpoh suddenly came and woke me up. -.- and by how clearly i rmb my dream, can tell i obviously didn't sleep well. -.- hai. oh wells. SO I'M GOING BACK TO SLEEP NOW. AHAHAAHA. GOODNIGHT WORLD. I LOVE MY BED X2!
Sunday, July 26, 2009 @ 3:49 PM ahahahahahhaa. -.- oh wells. energy's gone, my head's starting to hurt again. x.x i'm gonna sleep soon. -.- i realised now my head really can't take any other music except yiruma's? suddenly all my other loved songs are really straining my head muscles. LOL are there even such stuff as head muscles?! LOL. ah wells. probably cos piano just sounds so beautiful. dammit i can't wait for my head to go back to normal again. i seriously can't even play the piano now cos my head feels so scrood up now. ): can't concentrate. stoopeed. i almost went out of the toilet just now, with soap still all over my hands. O_O ah wells. this is how i look like now. like WOW i just realised how really puny my hands are. AHAHA. shorty fingers. for a short person. AHAHA .  oh wells. goodnight world, i love my bed .
@ 1:21 PM AND WTHELL, HOW RETARDED IS HER URL MAN, "ZHIZABONG"?!?!?! LOL!!! does zhi za stand for talkative?! LOL but that's different hanyu pinyin what AHAHA. and WOW didn't know huishan could make blogskins omgosh. COOLEH!! LOL. ah wells i'm supposed to find shinee blogskins for her. nice ones. LOL and apparently she almost spat out her lunch when i told her my blog url LOLS? well i guess i kinda decided slaughteredpunk wasn't really me. although i liked the sound of it like alot. HAHA. OOH! i saw taemin playing river flows in you on her blog? haha he's not bad leh! GOOD JOB NICOLE PHUA! LOLOL oh but i get more feel listening to yiruma playing it aha. :D i hope one day i can play like yiruma!! >.< LOL and i found this new guy!!! CHRIS KO, PEOPLE! he has this remix of river flows in you, and it sounds OMFREAKINGOODIGOODNESS ME splendid?!?!?! LIKE WA PIONG!!! he remixed it on the spot okay! HOW PRO IS THAT?! and he's a pianocal talent, seriously. i just downloaded his remix, and im loving it (© macdonalds)! he improvised on a couple of other songs too. beautiful. (: AND TO ADD TO IT, HE'S PRETTY HOT!! AHAHA! LOL!!! LOL. anw. back from audi. AHA. 2 games of watching and couldn't take it alr. == cmi ttm! gaaaah. ah wells. LOL i feel bad for ps-ing liyan although she told me to rest. ah wells. but she still showed that x.x face. LOL . :X LOL isaac's new shirt is nice! AWHAW. zzzats okay my temp rose again, 37 now. x.x yesterday it dropped to 36.1! ): sian sian. ah wells. anw this must be some sorta record man. like, usually my temp when i take in school, almost NEVER reaches 36+? like ahahahaa, that time i got 34.8, miss poon was like, HURHHH???? (!) AHAHA. that was funny. oh wells. i miss my window seat. ): i miss sitting with syahirah omgosh. stoopeed gap. == table aisles suck! LOL . oh wells. goodnight blog. i'm coming back later. ROFL. mummy and breedan aren't back yet. omgosh i'm so bored. -.- well at least now i kinda have freedom to walk around the house a lil bit without worrying i'll spread it to them. -.- GOOOOOOOOOSH i'm freakin bored. i wanna get well like NOW! HAI. bye.
@ 12:54 PM AHAHAHA. YOU'RE ON THE PHONE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND, SHE'S UPSET SHE'S GOING OFF ABOUT SOMETHING THAT YOU SAID. OMGOSH SUCH A NICE BEAT. AHAHA. but i love the guitar in You're Not Sorry more, it's so nice. :D LOL ah wells. gonna go watch ngliyan in audi. -.- chatchat. i can't play, this sucks. HEAD, HEAL! BYE .
@ 12:46 PM NGLIYAN I CAN'T AUDI, MY HEAD CMI. ): SIAN LA! AH WELLS. now i'm just going to your blog to listen to you belong with me! ROFL. but i think you're not sorry is dam nice. :D AWHAW. okay chaos. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA .
@ 12:24 PM
@ 11:44 AM 2) that the ajc orientation bottle can stink like sheet for no apparent reason? 3) that the Great Barrier Reef is in competition with 27 other finalists to become the next 7 Wonders of the World? 4) that a python once managed to kill an alligator, then tried to eat it, and BURST? (OMGOODNESS THAT IS JUST FREAKIN FUNNY!!!) 5) that Jackie Chan is freakin mean to his son? he totally crushes jaycee's self-esteem. that is too mean. 6) OMGOSH AN NSF SOLDIER JUST GOT JAILED COS HE REFUSED TO CUT HIS HAIR AND EAT THE SAF COOKED FOOD! oh wells i'm done. dam i should have just stopped at 5. 6 is so irregular. hmm. good morning. i'm super tired. OMGOSH ROFL IT'S 11.59AM NOW! OMGOSH 12.00PM!!! LIKE GOOD AFTERNOON MAN!!! AAAHAAAHHAHAHAAHAA! -.- okay my keyboard just got disconnected. GAAAAAH this is freakin boring, my nose feels sheety. (sheetier than usual, that is) idk why i'm still tired? i bet i slept too much la, but i can't help it i'm feeling dam tired la. -.- hai anw. today np's stoopeed dad didn't allow her to go for apologetics at church. that is so unfair. seriously her dad should get a life. s-hole. :X hai anw. i don't get some parents sometimes. they treat their child so badly, like seriously, what love do you expect? stoopeed sheet la seriously. there's only obligated love that's present. nothing more from them to you, cos they can't see it from you to them. how sad are you making your whole family life, seriously. omgosh la. jackie chan is so mean. i mean, he's nice as a person, but what's this arrogance he has about the authority he has over jaycee? it's like, jaycee said himself that he's dam afraid of his father? jackie said that he's sorta moulding his son into the responsible kinda MAN that he should be, but come on la. what kinda stoopeed forceful method is this. this is the 21st century? it won't get you anywhere man. trust me, i know. later on you're just gonna get hurt, uncle jackie. OH. once right, jaycee called jackie, which is something he seldom does, to do what you know? to wish his dearest father a happy father's day. jackie just yelled back at him like sheets, cos he was filming la. okay i get the part about the filming so calling was kinda disturbing, but come on la. anyone else on set would have at least appreciated his son's wishes? like omgosh la wa lao. -.- ah wells. this whole post proves one thing. YAHOO NEWS ROCKS. LIKE SOCKS. AND SHOES. byebye .
@ 12:12 AM not bad seh! HAHAHA. LOLS omgosh i feel so energised now LOLS. although i ended up sleeping at 5+ instead when i wanted to sleep at 3 hahahahaha. ah wells. i got up at 10. then i stoopeed stoopeed, went to open my eyes big big to read nicole phua's smses, read until i strained them -.- i almost wanted to go back to sleep AHAHA! sleep cycle messed up again, but wtv la ahahahhas. OOH YEY. my temp went down! like now it's my normal temp? haha. :D no more fever, so now left with my flu and phlegmy throat. oh God. -.- it sounds so bad now i sound like some auto-tuning gone wrong. LOLOLOL. OH OMGOSH HAHAHAHAHAHA, i rmb telling adrian that my voice sounded like a bulldozer, back then when i had some throat inflammation thingy, then he went like, "what?! bulldozer?!?! OMG!" LOL LA!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! *inserts ROFL emoticon like that in msn* THAT WAS SUCH A SPASTIC REACTION HAHAHHAHA. oh wells. i'm bored. omgosh i haven't played badminton in ages. miss it. jogging so much is freakin boring me out. -.- but oh wells. YEY i'm learning ff8's eyes on me in piano now. it's so beautiful, go listen AHAHA. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=advwstnqTlQ OMGOSH!!! THIS GUY CHANGES INSTRUMENTS LIKE SO WELL-Y?!!??! lol omgosh what kinda word is "well-y". -.- LOLOL HE'S SO GOOD OMGOSH!!! -envies- AHAHHA. i fixed my webcam! finally. -.- since that time la, yx made my whole com hang cos of the vid call. nowadays my com is nuts. the first few times i switched it on after a week or so, the whole thing just blue-screened randomly, and it could just bluescreen when i watched something full-screen or clicked on my webcam?! TUCKOO MAN! -.- oh wells. byebye blog. HAHAHAHA although i've got a feeling i'm gonna blog again. HAHAHA. BYE .
Saturday, July 25, 2009 @ 2:46 PM yey i'm feeling more awake now. but my head feels drowsy lol. i wanna sleep. ahaha. goodnight. ^^D
@ 12:06 PM and idk why i am. ahahas. woke up at 8+, went to take my med. after i finished taking all of them right, then i realised, i took the relief of fever and pain one, which was supposed to be taken after food? O_O then i was like sheet? then i went back to sleep thinking it wouldn't be that bad la. then just now when i woke up at 11 i was like dead tired. -.- still am now, hai. -.- i think i'll go back to sleep mans. lols. my mind isn't functioning properly, -.- i almost plugged the camera usb into my phone, when their sizes are so different. -.- lol and in msn i just typed "oh is that how you learnt the cookies?" like wtheck, wtheck is that? -.- lols oh wells. i wanna eat more apples haha, look what mummy did for me for breakfast ahahhas.
the apples were so sweet. :D and idk what mummy put inside the sandwich LOLS, it tasted so dam yummy! :D:D haha and that transparent thing is like, the lid of this container we have? funny man mummy. yey i've successfully cleared all my pics in my cam. now 1.82gb of space, happy happy. :D ey look. janice poh you look hot here, ahahahahhaaha .  and omgosh vincent pak, i told you you lost a lotta weight right! you look so freakin small now, DAM YOU. AHAHHAHAHAS.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaaha. omgosh i seriously need to sleep. like again? O_O all in all for the past 2 days i've said goodnight like 5 times? -.- lololol. aha, the 6th. : nights. (: .
@ 1:36 AM this sucks, the moment i switched off the com, i felt like all my thoughts suddenly came back to me. like, like, idk. suddenly when it was all quiet, i heard my heart again? ah this sucks. this is the first time i've felt such pain for someone who's feeling pain for me. in fact this is the first time i've actually felt pain for others? i told you i can't relate . empathy-less, rmb? hai this is stoopeed. why am i even talking here. idk, it's cos i can't talk to God anymore? our 2-way connection was never strong? ): i really need to let it out, like with someone sitting by my side, and me staring into the space in front of me and just spilling everything out? omgosh i can't even bring myself to let my thoughts outta my head. as in they can't go anywhere near my mouth cos i don't even have the energy to say it. wthell's wrong with me man. all my emotions are flooding in. typing this post, i feel numb, cos i just need to let everything out. i've always thought that i WAS letting everything out, honestly. but now i've realised that i haven't? i've been bottling up! i'm too freakin used to happiness. omgoodness help. i'm in denial. i do thank God for the 2 sided brain of thoughts that He's blessed me with? but like omgosh. i'm not handling it properly. i've always known that one side is stronger than the other, and the stronger side isn't the better side of me. i'm getting it into control though. but i'm wondering if my method of controlling is just bottling up. omg i feel so stupid not realising that i've actually been bottling it up. bottling all my feelings up. i'm not letting them out. i've become too weak to let them out and save myself. i'm not even turning to God now. i don't have the strength and i don't have ANYTHING left in me to even try to go and draw strength from God. like wtsheet. i'm just typing non-stop. refuge. this is pretty good, the blog as my refuge. but i've never really needed a refuge. why am i becoming so emo nowadays? okay wait it's not actually emo. i mean, obviously everyone has their own emo side right. i know the words to use. deep in thoughts. just now when i was bathing in the deep of the night, it was so quiet that i could finally hear my mind. i think my illness's screwing up my mind. or rather. fixing it somehow. tsk. stoopeed sheets. idk. idk idk idk. i'm feeling insecure? oh God. i'm too used to happiness. and this adapting phase is killing me. GOD i'm 15, i haven't even seen much of life yet. i rmb when eugene told me i needed to think more, think about my life and all that mature stuff, in my mind i was thinking, "honestly i'm not like other teens. those stuff you're saying now doesn't apply to me cos i lead a relatively happy life that i enjoy and love." okay well like sheetme, now i get what you mean. i told janice before too that like, why can't i go and experience some pain? i think that's the only way to be exposed to it and mature. then she told me "don't worry, pain will come ." at that moment it struck me as to why i'd never thought of that. mm hmm now i get it? pain has come? oh sheet me. what's this mans. and it's true what she said, "when pain has come you'd rather it didn't." yeah. that's what i feel now. but then joshua said before that anything that one experiences, is all part of God's plan to mould you into someone who will turn out stronger at the end." somehow idk from where, but i've got faith and hope that i will? yes. i will, honestly, i've got confidence in myself as well as faith in God and His plans. and the bible says He'll never give us anything we can't handle. so honestly i'm pretty sure i can handle it. with His help. okay wow what's this. i didn't realise that typing out all my emotions here could lead me to this sudden turn of feelings. wow. or rather all along it's been inside me but was clouded by everything that's been happening? i'm getting all my feelings back. rmb i said that my heart feels empty and numb. i'm getting all my feelings back. or rather all my feelings before weren't even genuine enough. lols idk. i've got a feeling they weren't. oh God. everything's flooding back. too much at once. everything about daddy and mummy, my friends like esther nicole and maybe even vijaya? people whom i pitied a little but couldn't feel anything about it? i couldn't RELATE, rmb. oh gawd i realised i'm talking to my own mind when i say "rmb". -.- lols okay anw, wtv mans. haix. daddy. don't be so sad for too long. i know the truth is difficult to accept. but i know you'll turn out to be a better man and father, since God's alr working so hard on you. don't resist Him, he'll give you life and you'll feel love because God IS love. mummy, idk what to say to you. i really miss you mummy, i really do. but i can't bring myself to say it. is this pride? i don't know. or maybe it's just my tired heart that can't stand your tone any longer. i'm sorry i sound so rude now, but that's how i really feel. you smsed "if i die tmr my only regret would be that i couldn't see your bubbly face since last sunday. i'm sorry i hurt you so deeply." well. honestly i was really touched by it. that was really sweet mummy. but the thing is, you didn't hurt me. you just made my anger boil throughout the years, taking it for granted. although i know i myself have been taking you for granted too. but my limits. you went overboard with my limits, and now that i've exploded, the debris can't be pieced back together anymore. idk why i'm so negative towards you. we clash, mummy. i know you know that. but each time i made the effort, you replied "aiyah when we talk we always argue, don't talk la!". omgoodness you stoopeed. do you know how much it hurt then? my heart aches. it finally feels the pain. i can't believe i'm tearing as i'm typing this. i'm recalling all the times when i had my heart gradually numbed because of you. and now that my heart's unfreezing from this sudden burst/flow of emotions, i can't handle it. wuyi said i did a good thing in controlling my anger. but i didn't. it was just waiting to erupt inside my head. and you finally made it erupt. it destroyed so much. i can't even feel genuine love between us anymore. i hate you so much. but i love you mummy, you're the biggest angel in my life. why are my expectations of you so high. is it because i expected love from you? or rather maybe i actually lacked that all along? i didn't feel much. my feelings are coming back. i'm feeling my heart. i'm feeling the pain. God help me, i need to cry out to someone now. stoopeed. idk who's awake now. i know You are, but idk. i feel like going downstairs to the playground to just cry. i know You can be reached anywhere and anytime, but idk. i can't feel You God, help! ); i'm about to die. stoopeed sheet. oh God save me. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssstupid!
Friday, July 24, 2009 @ 10:49 PM anw. i'm gonna take refuge in my blog cos i can't go anywhere. i'm down with many symptoms of h1n1, so yeah. suspected case, but not high risk. good good. (: aiyah but today kinda sucked. yesterday i was having dry cough, it was still okay. this morning i woke up to a lotta phlegm in my throat, and a seriously splitting headache, the worst i've ever had. i thought it was cos i didn't get enough sleep for the entire week. then i went back to sleep, woke up at 9, once i stood up the pain shot through my head again like anything. so went to take my temp, got a fever. x.x tried to tolerate the pain, went to play piano. (: but then, hai. csi man . == hurt like hell, i was literally groaning to myself, LLLLols. called mummy, she said she'd come home straight. then i went back to sleep with like some arrow through my head. woke up went to see the doctor with mummy. omgosh man, mummy made me wear this mask which cut my ears like dunno what cos the straps were so sharp and hard. -.- ah wells yeah then anw the doc said that there's >53% chance that i've got h1n1? idk, since i'd gotten most of the symptoms. ah wells. then cancelled piano lessons for 2 weeks, today and the next friday's, dam sad la. ): oh but mr andrew yau was so funny la. after i sent him a serious-sounding e-mail about like, how i couldn't make it last minute, sry for the inconveniences and all, he replied, "okay vanessa yong. please rest well!!! :>>>>>>>>>>>>>" LOL that is so cute seriously. hahahhaas. LOL and for the first time in my life sya sent an sms entirely out of caps letters LOLS, cuckoo sia she. haha thanks. (:(: hai. and i haven't talked to mummy yet. :X i'm scared, idk why. stoopeed stoopeed stoopeed. scared cos i know history'll just repeat itself all over again? omgosh help mans. i'm not even praying about it. stoopeeds. it hurts so much i'd rather forget all about it, i hate it. and i know i can't. first time in my life. unconscious erasing of memory. well how stupid is that. and now cos i'm so dam sick, i can't even talk to her properly. and my physical pain is just an excuse. first time in my life wanting to escape smth? and it's something and someone so close and dear to me? what sheety torture, i'm freakin tired of it. oh wells. i haven't bathed yet, and it's 11pm and i'm a sick person. -.- but i slept for like the entire day can. -.- how to fall back into sleep lols, my head's hurting less with the med alr, yey. (: oh wells. nights. (:(:
Friday, July 10, 2009 @ 8:55 PM
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